So it’s been a few weeks again. Try as I might, life happened, and I could not keep up with what I had intended to. This week is going to be yet again another busy one, but I’ve got to find a way to write more and read here because my soul needs it.
M and I have been working very hard to fine-tune our D/s relationship, and now 9 months into re-establishing ourselves as Dom and sub, I feel like we’re finally really understanding what each other needs. I’ve stated in previous posts that we have been doing D/s off and on for the past few years, but this most recent establishment is pure D/s with BDSM practices, as opposed to where we started which was a Domestic Discipline relationship. We are continuously evolving and always communicating.
D/s – especially being married and having had a non D/s relationship for many years, is very challenging at times. Sometimes we slip out of our roles and need to get back on track. When that happens, I get very uncomfortable and never quite feel like myself. He is trying very hard to make sure that even when life happens and we cannot put as much energy into each other, that we still find simple ways to reinforce who we are to each other.
After living this way with him, I don’t think I can ever go back to the way it was. He states he doesn’t want to either, but that means we have to choose it every day. One of my unrealistic expectations in the beginning was that I thought it would be easier than it was…that it would come naturally and we would have it down overnight. Ummmm…anyone doing D/s knows that it takes some level of continuous work, although I’m sure level of ease is different for everyone. For us, it’s been dedication and sometimes tears (well on my end lol), but I’m finally feeling like I can let go, and can give and give and give some more. I always struggled with wanting it how I saw it in my head because obviously that’s still me wanting it how I want, and that’s not true submission. He will have it how he wants it from me, but he does always ask for my in-put and feedback and builds from there.
If anyone is struggling with D/s don’t give up so easy. It’s one thing to play in a scene for fun and get the kinks out, but living D/s all of the time is much more commitment, but for a lot of people is a much deeper on-going experience. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us, and no two single people in a D/s dynamic will be the same so it’s all a matter of growing and trusting and building. It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to tear it down and re-build it into something better. I admit I have wanted to run away from it at times when it seemed like the work and frustration was greater than the rewards and pleasure. I’m so glad I didn’t. I know that if I run away, I’m going to be lost and will always ask for it again. I already have been there a couple of years ago. I always want to be here in my submissive mind-set looking up to him as my Dom. I can only hope that M decides the same for as long as we’re together. I trust that he will.
I want to write soon about some of the challenges that come from not only being 24/7, but from being a 24/7 D/s married couple, and how to work through them. I think that would be helpful not only to give some insight, but to help me and M to continue to evaluate what has worked well and what has not worked out at all.
My biggest goal is to just be able to have enough time to write here and get to know more about all of you other wonderful D/s bloggers. I found a D/s blog four years ago on accident, and it changed my life. I never knew there was a name for this. I never knew I loved kink (well I knew, but couldn’t acknowledge it like I can now). I never knew that D/s could be such an amazing experience, and without having found that blog, I’m cringing thinking about where M and I might be today.
In my last post that was forever ago, I spoke about the collar he gave me. In actuality, it’s his collar, but he has been giving me the gift of being allowed to wear it every night. It’s become a ritual that after the kids are in bed, and we are able to sit down for the evening, he puts it on and locks it. I can’t describe what it feels like to wear it, but it’s a very calming and peaceful feeling. I feel instantly softer and am reminded of my place as his submissive. To wear it during a scene or during sexual acts is pretty intensely amazing too. The feeling of being owned is heightened so much more for me. Another thing he has recently given me is this gorgeous antique looking bracelet that honestly looks subtlety like a shackle and has bells on it. He doesn’t have me wear it out of the house (at least not yet), but he likes to have me wear it as a reminder of my place when he isn’t home and/or during daytime when I obviously cannot wear the collar. I don’t intend to wear a locked day collar because I have children pulling at me a lot, but I do wear a locked anklet that I’ve worn since before I’ve had the collar. All of these pieces remind me that I am owned, and I never want it any other way. I had stated I wanted to share a picture of it, so here you go. I love it ♡♡♡. I’ll also add one of the bracelet because it’s so pretty!
Be back soon…